i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
