i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
