I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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