look no pants
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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