Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
