I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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