Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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