Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
