I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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