hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
