i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Are we still banned from the library?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My life is pants optional.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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