You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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