hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
