No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
as a side note pls kill me
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
