so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
