Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I forget how to act sober
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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