She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
