He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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