Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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