You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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