Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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