The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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