I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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