that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
