The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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