I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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