hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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