I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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