It's Friday. Sex?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
