Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
