i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
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I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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