I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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