we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
not ubering you a puppy
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
