Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
