is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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