Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
