We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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