I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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