Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She is in my trunk
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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