ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
