It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
