WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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