I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
