Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
