so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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