Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
