happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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