Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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