Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
