Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
