Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
