Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
