Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
