Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
