Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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