Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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