my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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