My friends, they love my intelligence
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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