Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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