my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
