Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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