we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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