Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
