After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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