Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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