Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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