I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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