i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
