either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
