do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
