Tell her she can't have a vagina
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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