I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
