just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
