i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
