We won't sleep together?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
