I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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