I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Your penis caused this!
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