Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
