I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
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