Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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